


Disappear

by That_Adorable_Fox



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Multi, Suicidal Thoughts, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:54:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22155847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_Adorable_Fox/pseuds/That_Adorable_Fox
Summary: Patton has an episode
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 71





	Disappear

Piles of homework stacked up on the desk. Letters were jammed and stuck in his mail slot. His phone was continuously going off from notifications.

Patton pushed it all away. He stared up at his ceiling, a glazed over look in his eyes. He was distantly aware of the _ tick, tick, tick _ -ing of his clock, but he’d rather not look at it. His mind was screaming at him, jumbles of  _ you’re going to fail!  _ and  _ off yourself right now! The pain will be gone!  _ rolling around in his head like a bunch of bouncy balls. Of course, that wasn't the end of it. 

_ Knife! Knife! Knife!  _ His head seemed to scream.  _ Slide it into your chest! It’ll be easy, like cutting butter! _

“No.” Patton whispered. He hated this, hated it so much! “No…”

Pat was never diagnosed with depression. Pat was never diagnosed with anxiety. Not bipolar disorder nor OCD. There was no way for him to be feeling like this. He sighed and turned over in his bed. His stomach growled, but he ignored it. He had no appetite, no desire to eat. Patton just wanted to curl up into a ball and die. 

Die was a strong word though. Perhaps “disappear” was better. Because no matter what, he was scared of death. He longed to slip into its dark embrace and have it's cold fingers wrap around his body, but he didn’t want to do it himself. Patton would hate for his death to be suicide, for the world to know how much the happiest YouTuber despised himself, wished himself dead. 

And...dying meant he couldn’t see Virgil’s smile. Virgil, who was broken and yet perfect. Virgil, who’s trauma made him anxious and depressed and helpless. Virgil, who lived on the other side of the country and was his mother’s apartment.

Virgil, his sweet buttercup, his hot topic, his butterfly, his wonderful, beautiful boyfriend. 

So the work stacks up on the desk. So the mail fills his floor. So his phone is ringing nonstop. At least he’s alive.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


For now.


End file.
